FORT LEWIS (Horizon News) — A series of explosions, followed by sounds of growls, shrieks and howls have sounded from within Fort Lewis Zoological Garden Research Facility, late this evening. This, after an intense three-week standoff over the fate of a donated bear named “Barnaby”. The UCAS Army, Salish-Shidhe ground troops, and Bear Doctor Protesters all appear to be caught off guard, with each group preventing the others from entering the building.
“Frankly, we have no idea what’s going on in there: the fraggin’ protesters forced us to evacuate the facility of most personnel,” claimed on-site UCAS commander Rick Naskin. “I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the Salish-Shidhe council for failing to control these so called ‘Bear Doctors’. As soon as the politicians get their fraggin’ heads out of their collective asses and give us permission, we’ll clear up whatever the problem is.”
Salish-Shidhe ground forces were equally flustered. “Our presence here are centered solely around ensuring a peaceful resolution to the ongoing tension.” claimed Council Elder Jim Whitewing. “If the Bear Doctors have taken illegal action, they will have to answer to the governments of both nations, but until that is proven, we will consider any violent act the UCAS takes against the shaman to be an act of war!”
The Bear Doctors, who have chained themselves together around the main and back entrances to the facility, claim to have no knowledge of what has caused the explosions. “We are healers, doctors and religious leaders,” explained Dr. Brenda Treesplitter. “While we stand by our protest, and we have resolved to take no action. Our primary concern is that Barnaby, and the other animals within the facility, are not injured by whatever in the Great Bear’s name is going on in there! The mana barrier that protected the facility is down, and we’re working on getting a spirit in there who can tell us more.”
Local peer-to-peer networks are buzzing about a trid-cast that was posted this afternoon from local trid-caster Buggs Fink. In the video, footage shows his unauthorized drones being shot down by UCAS snipers. In the background, he claims his enhanced filters show several grainy images of a “large gargoyle-looking creature, wearing a three-piece suit and some kind of hat, climbing the walls of the facility at incredible speed”. Horizon News considers this information highly speculative and unreliable, and recommends Mr. Fink leave the reporting to the professionals.
We will have more on this story as it develops. (UPDATE: Situation Resolved, Barnaby Still At Large)
Tony Beeman has lived in Seattle as a writer, performer, director and software developer since 1998. In addition to performing, directing and serving as Artistic Associate at Unexpected Productions in Pike Place Market, Tony performs regularly with 4&20 Improv, Seattle Experimental Theater, and Improv Anonymous. He has taught workshops in seven countries. His Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is INFP.